The reason for this blogsite
When I first began my spiritual search for peace-of-mind back in the 70's, I (and many of my friends) did a fair amount of what I call "spiritual leaping". Spiritual leaping happens when we innocently want a state of mind, emotions, feelings so badly we try to achieve them through force of will rather than insight. I created this site for those beginning to see that the clarity, purpose, results and personal freedom we seek happen naturally when we become authentic and take responsibility for our experience.
Below are posted two chapters from a book I've re-written in 2014, available electronically on Amazon.com titled Perfect Misfortune - the coming home edition. Thanks for participating and be well. If you're interested in contacting me, my phone number is 541 389 9781 or you can reach me through my website at www.weneedconnection.com.
Below is the Introduction and first chapter of Perfect Misfortune - the coming home edition. I would enjoy your comments.
Chapter 1
Same challenge, different solution
Below are posted two chapters from a book I've re-written in 2014, available electronically on Amazon.com titled Perfect Misfortune - the coming home edition. Thanks for participating and be well. If you're interested in contacting me, my phone number is 541 389 9781 or you can reach me through my website at www.weneedconnection.com.
Below is the Introduction and first chapter of Perfect Misfortune - the coming home edition. I would enjoy your comments.
Introduction
“Perfect Misfortune, the coming home edition” and the
three previous editions have been about healing and about emotional and
physical recovery in the face of personal crisis and loss. They’ve each been
about discovery, recovering a piece of childhood and finding part of ourselves we’ve
lost bouncing over the speed bumps of life.
“Perfect Misfortune, the coming home edition” is about
our spiritual nature and the healing power of our spiritual nature. The book is
meant for anyone with an illness or disease, physical or mental condition that is
struggling.
This
book is about three principles - Mind, Thought and Consciousness - discovered
originally in an insight by Sydney Banks. These three principles describe our
spiritual nature in a way that’s healing.
“Perfect Misfortune, the coming home edition” is my
continuing, deepening, ever-evolving journey to understand the Three Principles,
the good disguised in our worst misfortunes, the learning that comes from them
and how the wisdom we acquire in crisis can help us find the best in ourselves
and others.
This edition is a “coming home” story. It has fresh insights
and humbling discoveries I’ve made about life and healing over the last five
years as I’ve sought deeper and deeper peace-of-mind.
This book is intended to give comfort and hope to those
in life-changing circumstances. The journey has occasionally been harrowing as
my ego trips (no pun intended) over deeply held beliefs and reactions but it’s
always been enriching. The path towards Truth and healing becomes more
beautiful with time.
This fourth edition reflects my understanding of Sydney
Banks’ insights, the power of the Three Principles and shares what I’ve discovered
over the last five years that is healing. I’m excited and relieved to simplify
the journey, to bring this edition to life and contribute to your and my healing.
So, as I’ve said in earlier editions of Perfect
Misfortune, I invite you to grab the tiger's tail as I share with you the
greatest adventure of my life and what could be the beginning of the greatest
adventure of yours as well.
Chapter 1
The Journey Begins
"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."
Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911.
"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."
Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911.
Crisis – the first major multiple sclerosis exacerbation
In the summer of 1986 after returning from a mountain
bike ride I noticed that my toes were numb. The sensation was like I had sand
in my shoes. It felt “lumpy”.
I didn’t think too much about it but over the next day or
so the numbness didn’t go away and, in fact, seemed to be spreading. I scheduled an
appointment with a urologist who, to my dismay, was puzzled himself. He
referred me to a neurologist and this is where the journey begins.
Over the
next week or so, before my appointment with the neurologist, sensation
disappeared first from my feet and then from my legs, the numbness creeping
higher and higher up my body. Soon I could barely walk.
Unable
to feel the ground beneath my feet I trudged up the stairs I'd bounded up two
steps at a time a couple of weeks before.
I met
with the neurologist. He made an appointment for an MRI test, a new technology at
that time which could detect soft-tissue damage. The MRI (Magnetic Resonance
Imager) itself was a room-filling, long, white, machine with a narrow tube they
“inserted” me into to image my brain and spine, looking for the cause of my
spreading numbness.
The
original MRI plan as I understood it was to image my whole central nervous
system, brain and spine, the process taking 45 minutes or so. However, they
stopped imaging in just a few minutes and I knew in my heart they’d found
something very bad.
As I
left, I walked by the monitoring staff and was struck by how quiet they were and
how they seemed to avoid eye contact.
The
neurologist and I met shortly after the MRI. I’ll never forget his face and
words when he said, matter-of-factly, “Well, Allan, you have MS”. My mind shut
down and I don’t remember much of our conversation after that. I drove home in a daze, tears streaming down
my face, deeply shaken and worried about what life would be like in the future.
Over the
next week I was prescribed a very high-dose adrenocortical steroid infusion in the same hospital
room with chemotherapy patients. Although I was scared, I was also deeply
touched by our shared stories of fear, hope, irony and survival.
I
stopped exercising. Although it was probably a good idea to cut back, my insecurity-driven
response was to curtail everything.
Also,
everybody seemed to
know someone with MS who was having a hard time. To this day it amazes me how
many people assume you want to hear horror stories about your illness. Later it
occurred to me that those doing well are less visible.
I know a
number of inspirational stories about people with multiple sclerosis, including
Olympic skier Jimmy Heuga, who was living proof of the positive effect of
exercise and attitude despite an aggressive case.
The day
I was diagnosed with MS my world fell apart. I’d always taken my body for
granted and this diagnosis was devastating. I was so scared. Hiking, skiing and
other outdoor activities have always been a big part of my life and I was sure
MS would end that.
During
the first few weeks after the diagnosis I felt 100 years old. Every morning I
awoke and after a few seconds of blissful peace, remembered.
I made
the mistake of looking in “The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy” to learn
more about MS. Listed in this book of symptoms are every possible outcome of
every illness imaginable — what's happened to anybody who's had a disease.
Because MS is unpredictable, it has a long, long list of symptoms.
Over the
next months and years some of my symptoms went away some didn’t and I had a few
new ones. I adjusted and adapted. Life went on albeit with more anxiety about
the future.
The Second Episode
Awakening
one morning in December 1991, as in 1986, both my feet were tingling and
slightly numb as if they were "asleep." Trying to ignore the
sensation I went downstairs for a cup of English Breakfast tea.
By the time
the tea was brewed though, the tingling hadn't improved. I sighed, "Well,
Allan, old buddy, here we go again." I knew this tingling heralded
spreading numbness and an uncertain, unpredictable future.
In 1991
my second major bout with MS began in the middle of a holiday season that was
exceptionally stressful. For one thing a six‑year up-and-down relationship that
had ended seven months before still troubled me. For another my family couldn't
get together for Christmas and my close friends were all out of town. For the
first time in my life I spent Christmas alone. I was sad and troubled.
Over the
months just previous to this new exacerbation I had tried to convince myself
that my life was okay but couldn't shake underlying fears — fears that I was
unworthy of a mutually nurturing relationship, that I was getting old and that
my money would run out before my career got off the ground.
These
nagging doubts created pockets of painful feelings and in what I'm certain was
my body's reaction to this persistent negativity and dread my immune system began
attacking me again.
Same challenge, different solution
The
first time I had a major exacerbation five years before I was devastated. This
time, however, much to my surprise even though the symptoms were worse I was
calm.
The
exacerbation didn't particularly surprise me given the dis-ease in my life but
my calmness did. I wasn't afraid not only because I had come through an
exacerbation before but because I knew at a deep level that whatever happened
would be okay. I was at peace.
My
understanding about life had grown since my first MS attack and was the source
of this calmness. This time I knew where to go for strength and answers.
As MS assailed
my body I recalled the peace I felt way back in the late 1970’s on Saltspring
Island listening to Sydney Banks (discussed below) share his story. I felt
security, a sense that there was a place inside me, a precious state of mind
that was safe from the ravages of the MS virus. In this place deep, rich feelings
were free for the taking no matter what was going on with my body or
circumstances.
As with
the first episode I searched for a source of security and hope. But this time,
for whatever reason, I remembered an earlier time in my life, a happier,
quieter time that offered a way to find peace and healing.
A Better
Time
Back in
the mid‑1970s I worked as a human relations trainer in a family planning agency
in Eugene, Oregon. As part of a state‑funded primary prevention program I and other
trainers learned how to design and present low‑cost seminars on topics like
anger, relationships, divorce and anxiety.
We were
exposed to many different treatment modalities. Most of these were confrontative
in nature, based on Gestalt psychology which posits that we are 100% responsible
for our life experience and that our communication with others will improve the
more our choices are conscious and to the extent we are self-aware.
Fortunately,
the lead trainers were interested in learning other therapies besides the approaches
we were trained in. Two lead trainers, Dr. George Pransky and Dr. Roger Mills, after
being exposed to the insights of Canadian theosopher Sydney Banks (discussed
below) began to see there was an alternative to existing approaches.
Pransky’s
and Mills’ lives and their practices changed as their new understanding grew. Their
seminars became more relaxed and informal, a humble sharing of simple facts
about life rather than a structured series of group exercises. Self-awareness
training became a gentle experience. So, who was Sydney Banks and why was
encountering him such a life-changer for us?
Meeting Sydney Banks
Sydney Banks
was a welder living on Saltspring Island in the Canadian Gulf Islands. He had an
enlightening, transformational experience in the mid-1970’s that changed his life
and led to discovering what he called The Three Principles. These Principles
explain the entirety of human behavior and feelings at their most fundamental
level.
Dr.
Mills invited six seminar trainers from Eugene to hear Sydney Banks talk in the
late 1970’s. I was one of the six and will be forever grateful.
I've often thought about the role of timing and opportunity in
life. Sometimes an opportunity arises but the timing is wrong. Sometimes the
timing is right but the opportunity is missing. And sometimes, when the universe
provides both timing and opportunity, wonderful things happen. The words “fate”
and "destiny" come to mind. My
experience of listening to Sydney Banks is a wonderful alignment of timing and
opportunity. I am grateful for being at the right place at the right time.
The setting was a warm summer mid-morning in the late 1970's at
Cedar Beach Resort on the edge of St. Mary's Lake, a small freshwater lake on
Salt Spring Island, one of the Canadian Gulf Islands.
I and about 20 others sat quietly in the rich dark-wood paneled
Beach House patiently waiting to hear what Syd Banks had to say. Some of us were
cynical, some of us were curious. Syd sat peacefully in the front of the
room.
After a few minutes the room quieted and Syd began a soft, humble
sharing of what he saw about life since his transforming experience a few years
before. I was at first just curious but soon deeply touched by Syd's humility
and his absolute certainty about our true spiritual nature and the truth of the
human experience.
Syd talked for only about a half-hour but I was emotionally “full”
and profoundly impacted. As happened with most of Syd's talks I remember little
of what he said but was deeply moved and was certain he had discovered
something true about life that I wanted to discover too. It was obvious to me
and others in the room that his experiences were real.
When I listen to Syd’s audio tapes and other works (books, videos)
and especially his early tapes I find, inside myself, a profound peace and
hopefulness that brings me great comfort and peace when life is scary.
Syd’s insights and the Three Principles were a paradigm shift for
those of us in the human potential movement. Drs. Pransky and Mills saw that it’s possible to
achieve mental health and peace of mind directly without complicated techniques
or intense, confronting exercises.
Those
years in the 1970’s and early 1980’s were a happy time for me but I didn't
understand as I do now why that was so. To this day, I'm grateful for being in
the right place at the right time.
Paradise
Lost
Shortly
after my seminar leading days in the mid-1980’s I left the Northwest to work in
the family business in Southern California. Over the next decade the peaceful
feelings born in Saltspring faded in the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.
Although
missing these rich feelings I never slowed down long enough to ask myself or
anyone else where they had gone. My vague discontent wasn't strong enough to
overpower what might be called the "momentum" of life in Southern
California. I flew all over the country, coordinated a national marketing
cooperative and taught skiing on weekends.
My life
seemed, if not perfect, at least full. I ignored disturbing experiences like
airplane flights where I'd stand up, turn around, and find myself looking into
a sea of bored, unhappy businessmen in blue blazers - just like me.
I had
come to believe that the best we could hope for was a relatively stress‑free
life with periodic highpoints — the TGIF (Thank-God-It’s-Friday) syndrome.
Don't we
often think this way? We assume that our experience of life is good enough as
long as it isn't too painful and has a few high points. It's as though we think
living is at worst a matter of survival and at best a matter of achieving
acceptable control over circumstance. We settle for so little when we can have
so much.
Until my
MS diagnosis this TGIF approach to living worked for me most of the time.
Facing physical and emotional crisis however, my ordinary way of dealing with
life broke down. I couldn't power through or ignore what was happening to me.
My circumstances seemed out of control.
My
limited perspective and understanding couldn't help me find what I really
wanted, the deeper understanding I had touched listening to Syd in Saltspring
Island and the incredible feelings that came with it.
I needed
that wisdom and sensed it would reopen the door to richer feelings as well as
provide an alternative to my struggle and fear. I also hoped this wisdom would
help release my body's ability to heal itself.
Paradise
Regained
"Only
when wounded do we stand still and listen."
Kristin
Zambucka, author of “Ano Ano — The Seed”
That sentence
sums up my experience with MS. During the second exacerbation I sought answers
in a place untouched and untouchable by circumstance. Standing still and
listening I found an ocean of inspiration and strength.
Some
people call this part of themselves their inner voice. Others call it
intuition, wisdom or common sense. It exists before personality, born of what
we are as human beings rather than who we are as individuals. It is our
birthright.
No
matter how long you've been out of touch with this inner wisdom the feeling is
wonderfully familiar — like returning home after a long journey or
rediscovering love in an empty relationship. It's a state of mind and a way of
thinking where you are gentle with yourself and at peace.
In our
hearts, you and I want the same things in life. We seek happiness and health
and we search for these states despite behaviors and attitudes that often seem
at odds with the goals. We seek joy in living even if the best we do is feel a
little better or more under control or superior.
We seek
congruence between our inner and outer lives even if the best we do is grasp at
lifestyles that are over-leveraged and stressful. And we seek health even
though we frequently feed emotions like anxiety, depression and anger, emotions
that have been strongly linked to disease.
But, if
our basic instincts are to seek well-being why do we stray so far from lives
that are healing? Why do we continually lust after only to reject later
lifestyles and relationships that don't bring us happiness and fulfillment? Why
do we compulsively dedicate ourselves to patterns of living that produce
dissatisfaction, suffering and illness?
The
answer lies in a simple and widely held misunderstanding. We've inadvertently
come to believe that the quality of our daily lives, our life enjoyment and
satisfaction, comes from what we do and the circumstances of our lives rather
than the simple richness of life lived in the moment.
This
misunderstanding leads us away from lives that are healthy and healing, leads
us to crave and grasp at non-fulfilling lifestyles and leads us towards
compulsive, strife-filled and illness-filled lives.
The way
to recover a satisfying, healing life, filled with freedom and love is to
rediscover the richness of life experienced in the moment. This is what I’ve
rediscovered and what the Three Principles and the work of Sydney Banks is
about.
Syd
discovered principles that explain not who we are as individual personalities
but what we are as human beings and how to reclaim our birthright to a rich,
satisfying life.
A Health
Update
In 2015,
my physical healing continues with the occasional unsettling symptom. I've
recovered about 95% of sensation and have returned to most of my previous
activities, albeit less obsessively (it's my knees and shoulders, not MS, that
slow me down).
My faith
in the healing power of feelings like security, gratitude and contentment is
strong. Even though MS may flare up my appreciation for and understanding of my
own healing re-sources deepen.
Anyone
who has been diagnosed with a serious illness or suffered a serious loss knows
that it changes you one way or the other. I've found something that has changed
me forever for the better.
Although
I'll never be grateful for the disease itself I'll always be grateful for my
rediscovery of a connection to life and a way of thinking that can be truly
transforming and healing: a way of thought, a state-of-mind, where there’s
hope, healing and happiness even when the world around me and my body are
shaky.
Faced
with a crisis I followed the tracks of others who have traveled a similar path
of transformation and discovered a secret about life - the real answers lie
inside, not in the world. The feelings we truly want like joy, gratitude,
contentment and serenity are there (and always have been there) for the taking.
I
believe that by finding contentment, gratitude and compassion expressed in the
biochemicals that are those feelings I'm releasing a guiding "know
how" from my own cells to help them function as best they can. These days I'm giving my body all the
love and peace I have the courage to feel.
The
peace-of-mind and love we discover is the best tool for helping ourselves when
things go bad. I’ve discovered a reality governed by Truth, hope, faith and
gratitude. My world is sometimes smaller than it used to be but very rich.
I
remember my first walk after the second exacerbation. Walking down the street,
smelling the pine trees, feeling the bright sun and cool breeze on my face and
watching the clouds pass over the snow‑capped mountains, I was grateful and
exhilarated, liberated from the circumstances of my life.
Standing
on the Oregon beach this windless afternoon with Nancy and our two small dogs in
the late afternoon sunshine I know I’ll be OK, no matter what.